Dear Diary....

I tell you, when you are a person that thrives on the company of others but forced to alone with the kids for much of the time and then alone when the kids go to sleep. It is hard to do anything. I am one of those people. Once I was a vibrant young man and now... I'm a very lonely fat old man. I look at my self in the mirror and my heart sinks a level. I try to be upbeat about the way I look. I have always had issues about the way I look and now I have, on more than one occasion, found myself seeing myself or hearing myself say things that are delusional. I have to come to the realization that I am getting to a point in my life that it is do or die. Make up your mind!! Stop the shit and get healthy. I am going to the gym tomorrow to start and turn this around. The problem is I have little will power and getting into shape will mean dropping some of my vices. I Have so many of them that one would think that it would be easy... I may be addicted to all of them and really have to work to get this thing going. I leave town in a couple of weeks. I need to make a habit of working out before I get there or I'm screwed. There is little time in my life and I need to find the time to make this happen. How much sleep does a 31 year old man need? I feel I getting very little now and if I get up 2 hours earlier each morning won't I be even less? Whatever, this need to happen. People will not hire a teacher that is as out of shape as I am. you need to work in two years this is your chance to make your life right. Focus on the teachings of the Medicine Wheel. Complete yourself and other will follow. There is little else you can do. Maybe once you loose some weight your wife will want to have sex with you again. Either way you can't loose, if it doesn't work and the marriage falls apart at least you'll have somewhere to start from. Because if it happened right now you'll be even more lonely as no one will have you. Suck it up and get to work!! Turn it around and be the man you once were!!!